Like staring into a mid-December sun I am as feeble as the light it emits. So long gone from here and that was never my intention. Now, whole chunks of my life remain heartbreakingly treacherous so much so that I can not completely recount them for you.
I left the blog at a time of an elderly parent’s slide into life threatening critical illness. At the best of times I can barely navigate my own health - there was then hers and the nurses the intensive care the doctors the surgeons the surgeries the infections the blood clots the scans the procedures the nursing home the bills and there in the maelstrom was me – the only child an ocean away trying to orchestrate some sense into madness while remaining too ill to travel.
After this was all to pass it would have perhaps been wise to declare the remainder of the year a holiday but I have never been that kind to myself. I instead enrolled on a four month long meditation intensive. Sound peaceful? It wasn’t always. When the cocoon begins to unravel you begin to see what is there, or not there. At some point you stand naked in atonement and pray for a redemptive state to be found within - regardless of whether or not you feel you have previously touched the face of God. Everything begins again.
Thus began where I am…… and my questioning of faith both lost and found. This repeating theme will one day find grounding. Of this I know.