Gone Missing

For a month or more I have gone missing in that narrow place. That place which is ruled by illness infection antibiotics fever chills pain and the rest of the jailers. They dictate and control like a totalitarian regime. Wales moved from spring into summer while I wondered what happened to my weeks to my months to my year. For that time I had no space for wishes but then sometimes there was a hint of life and I wished then only for something shiny to hang my hope on, if only for a moment so I might know that this too has an end and that there are places beyond the narrow one.

The fevers brought on vivid dreams of bamboo forests and medieval cathedrals. In fevers I challenged duality to reason all is one – every living breathing moving particle is one is the absolute. Duality is an illusion, I argued. It must be if this narrow place contains the infinite. Only in a fever do I understand gravity and advanced physics. Only then do I understand that which is shiny, that which hope hangs on, is the shimmering effervescent realm of continual creation.

Now, without fever, to remember this.

Comments

[Croila]

I'm so glad you're back. Sending you all the very best wishes in the universe ...

[Vivian]

Often I've wondered during an illness if my life were to be snuffed out unexpectedly, would I anticipate it and would I care? I've been in narrow places myself--isn't it wonderful to find the world again? Then can we appreciate what has been given to us.

[Margaret]

Glad that you are in the wider spaces of life right now. Fevers always give me terrifying dreams/nightmares. And it's hard to tell what's real.

[woostock]

WOW,,,,,I am always amazed at your amazing gift and ability to articulate that which I so miserably try to express when we talk,,,

WOW,,, you go girl@@@@!!!!!

[David]

Your voice is original, deep and beautiful, even when writing about sickness!!

[mm]

Beautiful. That penultimate sentence is a gift, one I will take away with me.

I'm so glad you're feeling better.

[Damien Jorgensen]

Glad you're feeling better! good show

[beth]

To keep learning, observing...that's my wish. And you are doing it too.

Sending hope for your continued healing, and thanks for these beautifully written and felt posts.

[bridge]

found you again after being away for a little while. so glad to have returned. loving your words as always. xx -b

[Fran aka Redondowriter]

Sorry you haven't been well. When I see long gaps between posts, I know something is up. Hope you are feeling better by now.

[MICHAEL MANNING]

Glad I stopped by. Have a good weekend!

[Bex]

It's good to hear your sterling words again. I pray for you wellness.

[palo-girl]

hello..
I found ur blog when I was googling images for "Red Rage" ..
Im sure glad I did..
such beautiful words,
hope you are better now than when you wrote this post

[bobbi]

Hope you've been able to create this past month or two...

[MICHAEL MANNING]

Wow! You ae missed!!!

[lorie duncan]

i hope you are as well,
i have been checking in and was concerned that you have not posted for so long.
you are missed.
warm thoughts and healing prayers for you.

[Becca]

It's very good to hear from you again. I know how a summer can be swallowed up in pain and my hope for you is that it is now gone.

[Rosalie]

Sending happy thoughts from California.

[Finijo]

I have missed your voice out here in the ether. I hope you are healing/well.

Finijo in Houston

[Sonia]

I hope you are well! Sending happy thoughts from São Paulo, Brazil.

[Georgina]

I do hope you are well. miss your posts.

[Rosalie]

I check daily to see if you've resurfaced...perhaps you could just post one of your lovely photos, to ease our minds.

[marguerite Paterson]

sad to see that you are not posting, I hope that you are recovering well, sending you warm and healing thoughts

[marguerite Paterson]

sad to see that you are not posting, I hope that you are recovering well, sending you warm and healing thoughts

[confusiuseoul]

Surely this is slow torture. I try to find anything to occupy my time, the rawness has given me a reason to stall and remain constant in my wake. Yet, how many nervous conversations have I had with you, here, late at night, no longer knowing the soul of you. Do I feel so alone, that a need to reach out into thin air is medication to control wrath of mind? It is here within these confines of my little home, that I speak to you my deepest secrets, my faults, my lonliness. I am healing, not through desperation, or of last resort, but need. Need to alter, to change my reality, to step outside of self and amend what is. It is within the hours of dusk, that I reach out, wanting to feel your words surround me; a refuge of familiarity, giving me solace, protection. Surely, it is my choice.